my thoughts for the day
in october of last year, my cousin luke moved to saskatchewan for university. i miss him so much. whenever we're together we talk about the greatest stuff. he's one of the best guys i've ever had the privilege to know. as soon as he left i felt as though there was no intelligent life around me. i never realised it before, but he was the only thing that kept me sane through all the crap going on around me. this really hit me hard after christmas, when the first thing that people would ask is "what did you get for christmas?". i just couldn't take it. i seriously considered dropping out of school and living as a hermit for a year just so i could get away from all the materialistic s*** that surrounded me. it drove me completely up the wall. i started snapping at people when they asked me little questions that had anything to do with stupid things that don't matter at all. the only thing i craved was someone intelligent who could just simply talk to me about things that really matter, and not just tell me that they met some guy, or that i should really start dating so-and-so, blah blah BLAH!!! i can't stand it!!! but for a few months now i've been talking to a friend of mine who is smart and who understands. and to me he always seemed so secure and sure of himself - and he was. he became my support in a sense. he replaced luke in so fantastically. -i don't mean to sound like i only talk to him because i don't have luke, and i don't mean it to sound that way. i simply needed an intellectual stimulant, and he did that. but today he was telling me how his whole life doesn't make any sense. how he is so confused, and how everything that used to matter doesn't anymore. i found it bizzare how the one person who was supporting me and keeping me alive is now going through something similar to what i was. how he who supports now needs to be supported. in a bizzare way it was comforting. it was comforting to know that even someone so sure of themselves can need help sometimes too.
i was happy when i left that night (tonight), and as i walked home with a grin on my face, i looked up and saw the moon shining brighter then i've ever seen it shine, and the stars were so clear and so bright, and i swore i saw the man on the moon mouthing something to me that i couldn't quite understand. and then i saw orion. and i thought back to something lihz had said in a previous post: "everythings good. you can see orion."
and janis, sinead and casey send their love. their accounts aren't working or something of the like.
posted by Molly @ 8:26 PM
5 Comments:
i told ya man.
its orion.
hes like.
a beacon of goodness.
i swear to god.
anytime you see him its just like.
bing.
things are fine.
hes magical, im telling ya.
it's true! a sign of absolute peace and, well, goodness! lihz, you've inspired my new life motto.
So why is it the sign of peace and goodness?
And what's going on with Casey and Sinead's acconuts? Could you give them my email address so I can help them get back on?
And Molly, I'm curious about how you were able to help your friend? When the world seems like a shitty stupid place, what kinds of things do you say to cheer someone up? Also, it's cool hearing about your relationship with your brother. I think Jessie and Anthony the beginnings of a similar relationship.
baha.
SCORE.
i am now an official inspiration.
and to me.
orion is the beacon of goodness.
because its something i share with my sister.
my sister is the most important person in my life.
like ever.
shes the only person in my family that i talk to basically.
and a couple of years ago i used to live in bc.
and we lived there together.
with my mother.
and my life was falling apart.
in so many unfixable ways.
and i would always be angry and depressed.
and it just was never good.
i was having a very very difficult time and my sister was basically the only thing that held me togehter.
sometimes we would go for walks at night and look at the stars.
or we would go make snow angels and just lie for hours looking up at the sky.
and she would always point out orion and be like.
look.
orion.
and we would just look and i would find a moment or an hour of peace.
she moved to england for three years.
leaving me alone in that place with no one at all.
and i would always seek out orion to kind of guide me.
to remember that she was still there for me although not in person.
and its been that way ever since.
no matter how bad my life has been.
how many trials ive been through.
i look for orion and know that shes always going to be there for me.
thats why orion is my beacon of goodness.
well, i was really just able to help him by simply listening to him vent. when somebody is going through a period of thinking the world and everyone in it is/are crap, i don't think that there is anything you can or should say to cheer them up. maybe they don't need cheering up. maybe to cheer them up would simply be obscuring the issue. it would blind them from the truth:that the world really is a shitty place. i know i'm sounding really morbid and pessimistic, but i really do feel that the people who are always happy, or who don't think that the world is full of morons who need to be ignored and shunned - well, that they are the morons. that sounds terrible, but i feel that it is the truth. when someone tells me that they are fed up with living in this world i almost can't help but smile, because i know that just by them thinking that, that they are worth my time. does that make sense? i sound so cruel. i guess i'm just fed up with pretending to be interested in the lives of people i couldn't care less about. lately i've taken on a new way of living: if i don't want to do something, i don't. and vise versa.
in the immortal words of cat stevens: "if you want to sing out sing out". Harold and Maude changed my life.
i will contact sinead and casey for you.
Post a Comment
<< Home